Don't look at me
by Benderz-Princess
Summary: Claire/John Claire has a dark secret will she let John rescue her or will it finally eat her alive. I'm bad at summaries. Just give it a chance can't hurt. It's definatly unique. CHAPTER THREE UP NOW
1. Chapter 1 UnPretty from Birth

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Authour stuff: I do not own the breakfast club

Ok so it was late at night when i wrote this. I'm not sure if it's any good so if it confuses you or you don't like it or anything like that just let me know. It probably sucks but that's what your here for to tell me if it sucks. I'm not sure what's gonna happen later on in the story so i'm just rating it M just in case. I tried to fix most of the errors so just know i warned you and I don't think i have double spacing on wordpad so i'm trying to seperate the sentences alot into paragraphs just so you can read better. If you hate it and think please don't right anymore this is awful let me know. And i can get mushy and dramatic just letting you know. So so far it deal with abuse and i guess you could say a form of an eating disorder even though it was kinda fourced... you'll find out so here you go. John 3 Claire

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All is Claire's Pov:

CHAPTER ONE: UNPRETTY FROM BIRTH

Weight the scariest word in the world besides pregnancy. I hate fat, I hate bodies, and I hate boobs. I hate it all.

Everyone thinks I'm conceited because I'm always staring in the mirror. I'm obsessed with clothes and makeup, but what they don't see are the tears that swell up in my eyes and the ones that fall as I look at myself in the full length mirror before I take a shower.

The clothes the jewlery are my security. They help me hide from the world, and most of all my mother.

I guess you could say she is the cause of my insecurities, my anger, my pain. Ever since I was a little girl she's picked me apart.... literally.

Growing up she'd starve me for days at a time saying I'd never get married, that no guy wants a fatass for a bride. I told my father once but he didn't believe me. He read so many psychological books he figured it was just a cry for his attention since he was gone so much. His solution was buying me a barbie play house. He was always working so he was never home for dinner, or hardly any other meals to even notice what was going on.

My father decided to mention it to my mother anyways. Later they had a good laugh about how I'd been watching too many of my mother's soap opera's.

He got called into the hospital later that night being the head surgeon that he is.

After he left my mother came into my room. She had my fathers belt with her. She pulled me off the floor from where I had been playing with my barbies, and ripped my shirt and skirt off. She made me stare at myself in the mirror.

She called me a disgusting little pig. She told me that my father was ashamed he had such an ugly daughter. She pulled at the fat on my stomach and started beating my stomach with the belt. Then she started tugging at the fat and skin on my thighs, and lashed at them with the belt too. She laughed at my screams and made snorting noises like a pig. She continued striking my thighs and stomach until the bleed. When she saw the blood her only comment was "Good maybe now some of that lard will drain out you nasty cow."

After that I never told anyone again of what my mother was doing to me.

It got worse after that incident. Everyday I got home from school she began making me get on the scale. If it's not the weight she wanted she'd either starve me, or gag me till i puke. If she wasn't fully satisfied she'd bring out the belt or sometimes the knife, and make slits down my thighs and stomach.

Believe it or not when i hit puberty it got even worse. My boobs weren't big enough, and she began to resent me for not being a blonde.

When my father came home and we actually ate dinner together she'd stare at me like she wished I were dead.

I met my father's mistress once. It was actually the day I skipped school to go shopping which eventually landed me in detention. I came home in the middle of the day to get my credit card I'd left on my dresser and found them on the couch. My father and I never spoke of it again.

His mistress was gorgous. She had bleach blonde hair, huge boobs, and a tiny waist.

It made me wonder if she was the reason for my mothers actions... or maybe I was truely just disgusting to my mother.

I'm in a crowd full of beautiful girls everyday, and it makes me sick to my stomach. My mother makes sure I stay friends with them ... the beautiful girls. She knows all their mothers and everything that's going on... I feel like I'm being watched. If she ever found out that I even thought of turning my back on them.. I'm afraid to know.

What she doesn't realize though is their friendship with me has nothing to do with my looks but with my money, what i buy, what i wear, and what I can get them.

I know this because they are just like my mother.

Once I had a breakdown during class. I told the teacher I was sick and in truth I was I hadn't eatin in three days. I hid in one of the bathroom stalls. While I was in there the bell rang and my "cliche" came in but I kept myself hiddin just wanting to be alone. All of a sudden I realized they had began talking about me. They said I should dye my hair from that ugly tacky red, and how flat chested I am. "No guys gonna wanna feel her up." "Umm what is there to feel" The head bitch as i secretly call her even said if I gain over a hundred an five pounds they'd stop talking to me. They didn't wanna be seen around a red frizzy headed flat chested AND fat chick no matter what places I could get them into.

When I USE to eat in front of them they always made comments that that would go straight to my ass. So I stopped. I made the illusion I was. The only time i ever eat is at midnight in my closet when everyone is in bed and i'm completely alone. Even eating with noone around to torture me about it still hurts. I can't remember the last time I had a meal with no tears.

No matter how blue I have ever been on the inside I had confidence to maintain, or my mother and the bitches would burn me alive in the fire and I'd come out looking like the freak that noone wanted to be around... or love.

What always felt so weird to me though is the rest of the school loved me they looked at me like I was a godess or with envy. They made me popular.. and I could never understand why. But it felt damn good... the only high I had ever felt.

I feel so confused and torn apart, but they can't see that.. and they never will.

*******John Bender** a.k.a. hott bad boy who really knows how to strike a nerve. I knew him before detention. I always watched him in class or when he was in the halls with his friends.

Detention: He liked to mess with me and play games so I decided to play back. I couldn't flirt with him like I desired to do so much, because either my "friends" or "mother" would not aprove and all hell would break lose so I decided arguing with him was better than no contact at all.

I knew his name but I figured I'd ask anyways... after I asked though i wish I hadn't. His fat comment burned inside of me digging up deep dark scars. But then the next thing I knew I felt like he was trying to seduce me with his eyes making me feel things I'd never felt like my knees turn weak and my blood rush.

I despised lunch time. He kept asking questions about what I was eating. I hate sushi. It's one of my mothers diet plans plus I think she was hoping I'd gain some weight just so she'd have the pleasure of gagging me. I was so hungry I thought about taking a bite.. but the thought terrified me. I let go though and took a bite of the rice all of a sudden I could feel the welps on my stomach and thighs come to life, taste the vomit, and hear the taunting laughter. So I just pushed the rest of the food around on my plate.

When john showed us his scar i could feel mine ripping open again. I wanted to hit andy for what he said. I knew what it felt like to have noone believe you. I wanted so much to protect John, but I couldn't do that if I was dead so I restrained myself from going to him. Now I wish I had.

I had never givin into a guy before. I was always so scared for them to get close or touch me because they would end up learning how disgusting I am. This is why what happened under the table about drove me mad.... with fear and desire.

**_I thanked god my scars were on my outer upper thighs (i figured my mother had only struck me there so i could still wear mini skirts apart of her precious doll victim shit). That was another thing my mother used as a way to make me feel worthless. She would often tell me when summer time arrived "If you weren't such a lardass you wouldn't have those hidious scars. Lucky for me though I won't have to worry about you embarassing me in a swim suit." When my father wanted to take me on the boat I always "mysteriously" became sick_.**

After the shock wore off I realized he wasn't repulsed by my body in fact I think he enjoyed it, and that was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me.

The rest of the day he made me cry and lust for him... and almost tell him my secrets, but I couldn't. He would think I was a freak. I already couldn't have him. I didn't want him to think any less of me anymore than he already did. I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself... I needed to know though if he was just as ashamed and disgusted with me.

So I took a chance in the closet. I couldn't stop myself it's like he controls my heart like were connected in some outerlimits romance novel magical way. In the closet he gave me my first kiss.. over and over again stealing my breath away like the criminal he is. It was that moment I realized life would never get better than this. He's worth it all.

I still couldn't tell him though. I wanted to be his princess. He had enough awful shit in his life. For once I wanted to be something beautiful in someones life. I knew if we got serious I couldn't keep up the charade for ever but for now I was sure as hell gonna try. Crazy enough I dreamed someday he'd be my first, but couldn't bear thinking of the horror in his eyes when he saw what was underneath the fabric.

I didn't care anymore what she does to me. I'd rather be dead then go on living this way... go on living with out him. My philosophy it may had been one day but it was my only light through the darkness. Somehow I knew he felt the same about me. Me and John were both born disappointments abused for being born... but made for each other.

So I gave him my earing as a memory of me as I feared what was to come. I kissed him in front of my father, and no matter what the consequences it was worth it. This would be the ultimate Fuck You to my mother. Not only was I dating beneath her standards she'd drilled into my head since birth someone truely cared for me and I cared for them back something she could never possess... and nothing she could do could change that.


	2. Chapter 2 Run

CHAPTER 2: Run

I didn't wanna tear my eyes away from John. The song _For the Longest Time_ by Billy Joel came on the radio. I couldn't contain the tear that escaped down my cheek. I only wish I was as free as my tears. My father and I sat in silence.

When we finally arrived in the drive way of the four sided torture chamber called my home my dad finally turned to me. "Don't worry princess, we all have our little secrets."

I shuttered at the name princess. The only lips I wanted to hear that name uttered from was John's. I couldn't speak. I knew he was saying this because i knew of his mistress. I was ready to take on the beast, and now he's giving me an out. I didn't know whether to feel relief or be angry with my father for ruining my only victory over my mother.

All I knew was I had to get the hell out of here one way or another. "Dad.. can I go to a party tonight?"

"Of course you can baby doll," my father said with a huge grin plastered on his worn out face. "What time?"

"Umm... I don't know I'll have to call someone and see."

"Well I'm gonna go to the hospital real qui..."

"Nooo!" I shouted as I grabbed his wrist in terror.

He looked at me in shock and concern. "Claire, honey what's the matter."

"Ummm.. I just I... can you just give me a few minutes to get dressed, and take me to a friends house?" I replied in a stuttering tone.

"Sure you just take your time ok?" He talked to me like he didn't trust my comprehension skills or my sanity. Who could blame him with my finger nails digging into him and my wild exspression.

"Okay just.. okay I'll be right back. Just don't go anywhere."

I made sure my dad came in with me so my mother wouldn't have a chance to throw me on the scale. I went up the stairs taking two at a time. I slammed my door and put a chair up against the door knob since my monster(as I now decided to mentally refer to her as) took it off. I threw on a new skirt and top i had just bought a couple of days ago. I grabbed my baggie with my tooth brush and tooth paste in it from under my bed. My mom had knocked it out of my purse when she threw it at me this morning while my dad was out getting the paper. I was so afraid of what was going to happen next I just threw what i could find in there as fast as I could.

I guess you could say I have an ocd about brushing my teeth since the fourth grade when a boy setting beside me said i smell like puke breath. I brush all the time after classes and at least a million times a night until I finally feel like comfortable enough to go to sleep. It had been killing me to brush them all day, but I had no time for that now.

I went to my dresser where a book full of phone numbers lied. I knew I had Andy's in here somewhere. When I finally found it I ran to the phone tripping and hitting my knee on the bed post. "Son of a bitch!"

I made a silent prayer my monster didn't hear that. When I made it to the phone my palms were sweating. I dialed the number and began to pace. Finally someone answered.

"Hello," said a familiar voice.

"Andy?"

"..Claire?"

"Yes oh my god ok um.. I was wondering did you still wanna go to that party?"

"Yeah sure."

"Could I maybe come to your house... umm right now?"

"Uhhh... yeah that'd be cool... are you alright?"

"I am now but yeah so what's your address?"

After I had it written down we said our goodbyes and from the sounds of the yelling down stairs I knew I better make a run for it.

One thing I had always noticed is my father knew ways to talk to my monster to make her feel worthless, and yet he treated me like well.. a princess. I knew it killed her inside.

She heard her fathers voice grow deeper and angrier. "Listen you pathetic Bitch Claire is my daughter and she can do anything her heart desires. Now shut your mouth before I come over there and shut it for you. Do you hear me you..."

"Daddy let's just go please." I could feel her eyes piercing through my soul and knew if we stayed any longer all hell would break lose and i'd be tossed in the flames.

He turned to me slowly still eyeing my mother. "Yes baby."

I gave him the address I had written down. As we rode to Andy's I sang along to Marvin Gaye's _Through the Grapevine_. It's the only thing that could numb my mind to the world.

Finally we pulled up to Andy's drive way. I slung my purse over my shoulder so fast I almost knocked my fathers head off in the process.

"Oh shit daddy I'm so sorry."

"It's okay pumpkin just slow down okay. And don't worry stay out as late as you want call me at the hospital or home if you need me."

"Okay" I said hopping out of our car and running to the front door like a bunny on speed. I knocked on the door. I began to look around while I waited for someone to answer. Without looking I went to knock again but hadn't noticed Andy had already opened the door.

"Oww Claire jesus christ."

I spun around at that sound.

"Oh shit Andy I'm so sorry." I tried containing my laughter but it was hard when Andy appeared to be winking at me with the eye i'd damaged.

"You look like popeye." I said trying to keep a straight face.

"Geeze thank you Claire injure me then call me names," He said with a laugh. "Allisons in the living room."

I followed him into the living room. We walked in to find Allison standing on her head watching tv. "Hey sexy," she said as she fell to the ground with a thud.

"We should go to my room before my dad gets back."

Me and Allison followed him up the stairs. We passed a bathroom on the way and I asked if I could use it.

"Yeah just umm ignore the playboys in the basket... ." Me and Allison turned to him and gave him an awkward stare. "What," he babbled "It's a mans bathroom..." When we continued our awkward stare down he turned his head down and walked away. "My dad sucks."

Me and Allison busted out laughing. It felt so good not to have my monster breathing down my neck. I felt my heart jump. Being around Andy and Allison was so real and free and... fun? Fun was something I definatly was not use to. Finally my stomach wasn't tied in knots and I could be myself.

No matter how good I felt my ocd decided kicked in again. I went to the bathroom and began to brush my teeth. No matter how many times I brushed them though they never seemed to be clean enough.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Allison's voice. I hadn't realized the door had been cracked.

"You know you've brushed your teeth seven times now."

"...So...," she didn't respond, but she never let her eyes leave me. "Allison quit lookin at me like that." The look she gave me made me feel like she could see my secrets. When it was evident she wasn't going to stop I broke the staring contest, threw my stuff in my bag, and went into Andy's room.

I set down on Andy's bed. All of a sudden I felt something hit my face. I picked up the piece of clothing and realized it was Andy's underwear.

"Oh my god," I shrieked as I threw them. In the process of being disgusted I hadn't paid attention where I threw them and they went out the open window.

My eyes got wide and I looked to the right at my attacker sitting next to a dirty laundry basket. Allison gave me a mischievous grin. I would normally had been angry if it hadn't been so hillarious.

Andy was bent over at his dresser picking stuff up and hadn't noticed a thing. We erupted into laughter. "What's so funny?" Andy questioned.

All of a sudden a pebble came through the window. "What the hell was that?" I sputtered.

"I bet I have an idea." Andy walked over to the window and looked down.

"Hey Brian!" he shouted. "Dude what are you doing with my underwear?"

"I don't know. They shot out of your room and landed on my head."

Andy looked back at us. Mine and Allisons eyes grew big as we tried to play innocent, but when we couldn't contain it anymore I rolled off the bed onto the floor clutching my stomach. Allison rolled over beside me.

"Nice guys you two are worse then Bender." He looked back out the window. "Hey man just climb up the latter.... and bring my unmentionables with you."

"Do I have to?"

"Brian!"

"Okay okay but I hope you realize how unsanitary this is."

It turns out Brian just lives down the street from Andy. It felt just like earlier today only we were missing one very important person. As we sat around I prayed silently in my head that someone would finally mention him.

I couldn't wipe the famous bender smirk from my face as i finally heard Andy utter those sweet words. "Alright let's go find our little son of a bitch."


	3. Chapter 3 Breath

**I was sort of iffy if i liked this or not it's three in the morning though so i'm probably not thinking well so if you don't like this chapter i'll make a new one just let me know. I also hate how short it is, but I feel really bad tonight. I'll just make up for the shortness in the next chapter.**

**Breath**

We hopped in Andy's truck. Andy, Allison, and Brian all sat up front. I sat in the truck bed though. It took them all by surprise.

It was dirty and they all thought I'd be freaked out that it would touch my skin. What they didn't realize is that I am dirt. It grows beautiful flowers trees grass, but noone wants it. Noone thinks it's beautiful. It's ugly and noone wants to touch it. It has to hide just like i do underneath flowers.... underneath the clothes.

I had no idea where Andy was headed, or how he knew where John would be.

Everyone called him Bender, but not me. He's John to me. It's his human name. And I'm his princess with the cherry red hair. I could never ask for anything more.

The wind blew through my hair and i closed my eyes. All of sudden the truck came to a stop. I opened my eyes and looked around. We were in a grocery store parking lot.

Our eyes connected. His eyes grew large, and his eye brows seemed to rise. This made me laugh. That seemed to make him regain his tough guy composure.

He was surrounded by a group of his friends. You could see the cloud of smoke that surrounded them. It made him look like an angel standing in heaven to me.

Andy broke me out of my haze when he slammed the truck door. "Bender man get your ass over here."

Me, Brian, and Allison who were now getting out of the truck too gave him a look like he'd lost his mind. The last thing I rememeber was John striding over to him in what seemed to be slow motion. I could see their mouths moving, but there was no sound, and then everything went dark.

When I woke up John's face was so close to mine i could feel his breath. I was on the concrete, but my head was on Allisons lap. It took me a moment to sink in the fact that John's hand had been resting on my face the whole time.

Then I realized what had just happened. I jumped up despite the rush my head was giving me and the frailness of my body. It looked like everyone in the parking lot was surrounding me.

As i tried to make my way through the crowd that had formed I became angry. I could feel their skin against mine and it drove me crazy. "Get off of me!" "Don't touch me!"

I kept walking not really sure where the hell I was going. I found my way into the small grocery store, and went to the very back where they kept the drinks.

I opened the door and let my body slide to the floor as the cool air caressed my skin. The grocery store radio began playing _What a Feeling _by Irene Cara. I closed my eyes and just began to sing drowining out the world so nothing bad could get inside.

_I started to day dream. I saw John sitting in a chair in the middle of the stage from Flashdance. He looked how he always did to me a dark mysterious angel. His bronze skin glistened as always. I walked up to him in a black boustia and lacey what seemed to be panties to match. _

_I made my way over to him in my spiked heals. I began dancing around him I looked to my thighs, and realized there were no marks. They were perfect. I sat in his lap and slide my hand down his face to his black t-shirt. I then ripped it off and threw it into the crowd. His muscles hypnotized me. I knew I was making him nervous by the beads of sweat that ran softly down his body._

_I came up behind him still singing in his ear, and gradually ran my hands up his pecks. I then danced my way over the stage and twirled myself until i landed back into his lap. I then pulled the cord and water sprayed down our half naked bodies._

I then felt familiar lips on mine. I quickly opened my eyes remembering I was still in the grocery store. John's forehead now rested on mine. "You were imagining me with my shirt off weren't you."

My silence and facial expression must of given it away, because he began to laugh. He then moved closer to my neck and laid gentle kisses apon it. I was frozen I couldn't make a sound or obtain a thought. He then bit my collar bone.

I let out a small gasp, and turned my head to the side in pleasure. "If you get any sexier I may have to pop it right here next to the frozen foods."

This however brought me back down to earth. "Don't say that." I then proceeded to push him off and make my way back through the store.

"Cherry slow down what the shits your problem?!?" he began to shout. "You too good for me now?"

"Don't call me sexy! What am I some fucking joke to you? I know what I am, and I know you get treated like shit, but that does not give you the goddamn right to be so fucking cruel! Your just like all the rest of them!"

I didn't know where any of this was coming from. My monsters words were screaming in my head and I couldn't make them go away. I stopped in front of a rack of fashion magazines. I couldn't stand it. It sickened me so much how beautiful they were. How they could be normal like every one else. How they could be loved.

I knew John thought they were hot and he'd be with any of them in a split second. That's when I felt my blood start to burn. I pushed the rack over and kicked it. Which seemed to make a chain reaction of accidents around the store. Then realizing what i'd just done I ran out of the store.

I could hear John's boots hitting the floor and chains rattling right behind me. I jumped in the truck bed and so did he. Andy and everyone else had been patiently waiting. John hit the back truck window with his fist. "Hurry man step on the fuckin' thing."

The store manager was screaming and had almost made it to the truck before Andy sped away. John laid down and grabbed my hand that was hugging my knees. He pulled me to him. I couldn't resist his touch. I laid there holding his hand. I had never felt so small before. He leaned closer and whispered in my ear. "We wouldn't want to get in trouble with the cops now would we."

"We wouldn't?" was the only functioning phrase that I could seem to leave my lips.

He didn't answer. "Princess.... your so damn beautiful." At that I began to cry and shake. He pulled me into him. He didn't ask me what's wrong. He wasn't pissed at me for cussing him out earlier. He didn't look at me like I was a psycho. It's like he could feel my pain. "I'll protect you." He then pulled my face to his, locked our lips, and took my breath away.


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